A woman had 8 children, all of them boys.
So, one day, a magazine sent a journalist to her house for an interview. He asked her about the boys and what their names were; she said, “Johnnie”.

“Right”, he said, “what about that blond one over there?”Johnnie”, she said.

“Oh, and the tall one with the freckles?”“Johnnie”, she said.

“Well, and the little chubby one with the baseball cap?”“Johnnie”, she said.

“Are all your boys called Johnnie?” he asked, “Isn`t that terribly complicated?”

“Not at all”, she said, “it makes everything very easy, actually. When I shout: Johnnie, tea is ready!, they all come. When I say: Johnnie, it`s time for bed!, they all go to bed.”“I see. But what if you want only one of them?”

“No problem,” she answers. Then I call them by their surnames.”

An old mountaineer and his young ex-wife were fighting over custody of their children.
The mother protested that since she brought her kids into this world, she should retain custody of them.

The judge asked the old mountaineer for his side of the story.After a long moment of silence, the mountaineer rose from his chair and asked, “Judge, when I put a quarter in a candy machine and a candy bar comes out, does it belong to me or the machine?”
For two solid hours,
the lady sitting next to a man on an airplane had told him about her grandchildren. She had even produced a plastic-foldout photo album of all nine of the children.

She finally realized that she had dominated the entire conversation about her grandchildren.

“Oh, I’ve done all the talking, and I’m so sorry. I know you certainly have something to say. Please, tell me… what do you think of my grandchildren?”A couple with three children waited in line at San Francisco’s Pier 41 to purchase tickets for a boat trip to Alcatraz.

Others watched with varying degrees of sympathy and irritation as the young children fidgeted, whined, and punched one another. The frazzled parents reprimanded them to no avail.

Finally they reached the ticket window. “Five tickets, please,” the father said.

“Two round-trip, three one-way.”