“As a widow, I’m too ill to work. Every month, my son gives me a portion of his own income to help with the rent.
Yesterday, my daughter-in-law contacted me to inform me that he will be unable to continue helping.
When I asked her, upset, she responded, “My mom has been in bad shape lately, and we need that money to send her to a health spa and also have her do some physiotherapy sessions.”
She went added, “I think it’s time for my mom to benefit from us too.” She needs this money more than you do right now. After all, my money is also my husband’s.
Upon hearing those comments, I became furious.
My daughter-in-law is a stay-at-home mom. She is raising my grandchildren and has never held a job. Since this money belongs to my son, I am entitled to it more than her own mother is. If her mother needs to become healthier and lose weight, I could care less.
What steps should I take next?
With regards, Ruth
Ruth’s frustration is evident. She believes that her daughter-in-law phoned her out of the blue, that her son has been untruthful, and that her family has “heist” her monthly stipend.
As one might anticipate, Ruth does not believe in the cliche that “my husband’s money is my money.” For her, survival is more important than spa days and physical care for a mother-in-law who has presumably made her way to the front of the line.
Ruth believed that since she was the one who had carried her child into the world, she ought to have been at the front of the financial support hierarchy. The boldness of such request, regardless of the action! For Ruth, the necessity for the money is secondary to the emotion of being ignored in favor of someone else’s parent. Not less than her daughter-in-law’s manifesto.
So what should a mother do? Ruth’s situation is indeed filled with emotional minefields, but she is not alone in it. There are good grounds for her to be angry. Should she tell her son what’s been bothering her? Should she try to make amends and grant her daughter-in-law’s plea for help? Is it feasible to come to a solution without seriously dividing the family?
The most important thing is to talk honestly and freely. Ruth could start by speaking with her kid in a sincere and composed manner. Her ability to communicate her feelings without placing blame could help to promote understanding between people. In the end, he can find himself in a challenging circumstance where he must appease the two ladies he is most in love with.
Ruth could also determine what kind of financial support she needs and explore alternative choices. Increasing her revenue streams could provide a safety net; she could research community resources, social services, or even a potential part-time work that works with her schedule.
Stressful finances, however, have the ability to pull out the claws. The idea of sharing and rearrangement of priorities is often easier said than done. Ruth’s response reflects what happens to someone who feels disregarded and undervalued.
I think Ruth needs to realize that her child isn’t entirely rejecting her. Instead, he’s trying to find a balance as a son and a spouse. I applaud anyone who can balance on a tightrope without falling; life is truly an incredible adventure. With a lot of conversation and understanding, Ruth and her family may be able to resolve this challenging situation together, ensuring that no one is left out in the cold.
